Hi Freddo,

I’ve been away for a couple of days. I went to Leeds with the girls, Checkers, Cece and Leishy. I had a lovely time shopping and going out with them. It was nice for a weekend to forget about all of my responsibilities and have a bit of free time

Checkers on the left, I’m on the left at the back, Cece on the right at the back and Leishy on the right in the front

Anyway its back to reality today. You have not been very well over the last week. Your incontinence has got to such a level now that you can no longer remember how to go to the toilet. You have been having awful stomach cramps and didn’t go for a number 2 for a few days. Mum spoke to the nurse who recommended Movicol. When this didn’t work she came out and gave you an enema. Since then you have been as mum likes to say “pooing for England!” You have also had a sore throat which we have been treating with lemon and honey.

This morning when I came into your bedroom to see if you were awake you greeted me with such a huge smile. It’s so nice after not seeing you for a couple of days to have that as my greeting. You immediately wanted to get up and sit in your chair with me. You have been a bit clingy all day, each time i go into the kitchen i can hear you asking Sandy where I have gone. I think you are worried that I’m going back to leeds with the girls

Mum and Mark have been cleaning out the garage and they found a letter from Nan. We don’t talk about her often and seeing things that she wrote open up all of the old wounds. I know it was a long time ago that she passed away but I don’t think anything has ever come close to filling the void that she left in our lives. We are a very close family and we spent a lot of our childhoods around you and Nan. She was taken from us so suddenly and so unexpectedly that we never really recovered. She was such a happy fun person who loved unconditionally. When I think of Nan I think of everything good and silly, flowery blouses and pleated skirts, red lippy, mixed up words, days out, lobby and potato fritters with bacon, paper chain people and drawings of men always called Jack, painting by numbers, 5 minute microwave sponge cakes, Whitney Houston, papier-mache, hanging baskets, penny the dog, blackberry picking, vimto lollies, knitted clothes for my dolls, crochet blankets and an all round happy childhood. The letter made me laugh because it showed how dramatic she could be. You had a silly argument and she stormed off. Mum says she came back and said that she had no bus fare and forever after that day she would always say jokingly that the only reason she came back was because she didn’t have bus fare. she would never have left you.

A letter from Nan to you xx

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